Chap. 4: When did I stop listening?

When did my mind get so filled with banal thoughts?

All these thoughts about getting that job I don’t want, living in a place I hate, having the life I’m not even interested in.

I’ve been in such a rut of hearing the same things over and over again I didn’t even realize they’re not my thoughts anymore. They’re society’s.

When I was a child, my mind was clear. I knew what made me happy. I liked to draw and paint. I liked to read and write. I liked to sit under a tree and look up at the beautiful leaves that swayed back and forth elegantly.

I wanted to be an artist and a writer. I wanted to just be human and enjoy the moments I get everyday.

As I get older and supposedly wiser, I’ve come to realize that I’ve stopped listening to myself and that I know nothing about me.

I wonder, “When did I stop listening to myself?”

If my parents or my relatives weren’t here, would I go for a job based on salary? Would I put reputation before passion and happiness? Would I be able to brag about something I don’t even care about?

The answer is no, I wouldn’t.

I want to be an educator, a philosopher, and a writer even though I won’t earn a lot of money in it. I want to see peoples’ faces light up and reflect on life with me. I want them to see the raw beauty of everything. I want to have my face brighten up when I talk about what I do everyday.

I want to live.

Now that I’m starting to listen to myself again, I have re-oriented my actions towards what I truly care about. I feel freer now than ever before.

Becoming an adult is hard because it forces us to choose between being a child or being a grown-up. I believe that deep down we can be both at the same time. It only takes a conscious effort to listen to yourself on a regular basis.

Find the time to listen and breathe again.

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