Has anyone ever had a revealing moment where they found out that girls are different from boys?
Straight up, this is a simple question that gets a simple answer: Of course. There’s no doubt that girls are different from boys.
When I was a child though, this answer wasn’t obvious at all. In fact, I would always ask back: Why?
I remember in elementary school when there was a water gun competition in the school yard. I saw students (mainly male but I didn’t notice that) who were taking off their shirts and running excitedly to the field. I felt the adrenaline pumping through my veins and said, “I want to play too!” As I took a step forward, starting to pull my shirt up, my teacher immediately stops me in my tracks telling me, “No, Eileen, you can’t because you are a girl.”
Then I get told to go back inside and play, while I listen to hysterical laughter from outside.
From that moment on, I started to get society’s conditioning of what it meant to be a girl and a boy.
I was advised to stay home more, cook, read more, be feminine, care about my looks, wear a bra, stay away from boys etc.
I felt segregated from the boys even though we weren’t physically separated like in Saudi Arabia.
Now that I’m an adult, I feel the conditioning controlling how I should act as a woman. I feel conflicted because on the inside I want to be this warrior Mulan style woman who is unfortunately described as someone who is too aggressive, a men-repeller.
As the young say today, “The struggle is real.”
A woman trying to figure herself out.